If you are wondering about the health of your relationship, here are some of the important questions to ask. Most of these questions represent key areas of a couple's relationship that have been shown by research to be related to relationship longevity and stability. John Gottman, PhD, has done the most extensive research in this area at his research laboratory at the University of Washington in Seattle.
Directions: To the following questions answer either:
We respect and appreciate our emotional differences.
I don't usually feel alone in the relationship.
We seek each other out to check on how the other is doing.
We are able to reach out to the other when we are overwhelmed, stressed or don't feel well.
We frequently ask what each other is thinking and feeling.
We enjoy a satisfying sexual connection.
We share household and parenting responsibilities and tasks.
After disagreements, we don't let long periods of time go by before trying to repair any damage.
After disagreements we don not become estranged for long periods.
During disagreements, neither of us becomes silent and withdraws for very long.
During disagreements, neither one of us becomes overly critical or contemptuous.
We share future plans and dreams.
We enjoy doing some of the same things together.
We allow each other to have their own activities, aspirations and dreams.
If you answer agree or strongly agree to most of these questions, your relationship is probably in great shape, but if you answer disagree or strongly disagree to many of the questions, then you need to work on improving aspects of your relationship. Many couples wait until one partner has already given up before seeking help.